Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
by Maethordhinen
Summary: Harry has decided to let Hermione, the girl he loves, know in the must unusual fashion. This story is rated M for innuendo in the first chapter and smut in the second.


Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Maethordhinen

Summary: Harry decides to tell Hermione, the woman he loves, how he feels, in a very unusual fashion. Not Suitable for prudes, or anyone under the age of eighteen. The song is 'Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo' by The Bloodhound Gang.

Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. They are the property of J. K. Rowling, and The Bloodhound Gang respectively.

Chapter One: To Sing A Song.

Harry Potter was confident. It wasn't because he was famous, or good at quidditch, or a prodigy at defence. No. It was because he was about to tell all of Hogwarts how he felt for his best friend. Sure, it may not be conventional, but neither was he.

He had arranged it with Dumbledore, and Flitwick, making sure to tell either of them what he was going to sing.

He had even managed to get a CD player to work, so that he could use the music for the song, rather than ask Flitwick's band to play it.

It had all been set for a Saturday, so that he would have time to set things up.

The day finally came for Harry to do his performance, and he was still confident that his plan would work.

When Dinner Time came, he gave a sign to Dumbledore, who stood up, and announced that someone would be giving then so Dinner entertainment. What he didn't know was that he was soon going to regret those words.

Harry came to the stage, to start singing, and astounded everyone with his voice.

_Vulcanise the whoopee stick, in the ham wallet_

_Cattle prod the oyster ditch, with the lap rocket_

_Batter dip the cranny axe, in the gut locker_

_Retrofit the pudding hatch, ooh la la, with the boink swatter_

By the end of the first verse, Dumbledore was bright red, along with most of the females in the room. The boys, however, howled for more, thinking that this was hilarious.

_If I get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you,_

_Then in lieu of the innuendo, in the end, know my intent though_

_I Brazilian Wax poetic, so hypothetically, I don't wanna beat around the bush_

If anyone had paid attention to where Harry was looking, they would have noticed that his eyes were locked on Hermione. But, no-one did, meaning that no-one had figured out who he was singing about.

_Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo_

_Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo_

Again, most of the females in the hall blushed, when they figured out what those four words alluded to. A few people had started to notice now, where Harry was looking.

_Marinade the nether rod, in the squish mitten_

_Power drill the yippee bog, with the dude piston_

_Pressure wash the quiver bone, in the bitch wrinkle_

_Cannon ball the fiddle cove, ooh la la, with the pork steeple_

Now, nearly everyone had figured out who Harry was singing to, and had also noticed the way Hermione looked at Harry. There was a lot of embarrassment, but, there was also a lot of love.

_If I get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you,_

_Then in lieu of the innuendo, in the end, know my intent though_

_I Brazilian Wax poetic, so hypothetically, I don't wanna beat around the bush_

Hermione was over the moon, with the way Harry was looking at her, as it meant that many of her fantasies could come true, especially that one about being buggered, while tied up...*

As Hermione drifted into her fantasies, Harry stared at her glazed eyes, and noticed her laboured breath, and, for the first time since he had come up with his idea, he felt nervous, as Hermione appeared to mortified by what Harry was implying. He kept on with the song, however.

_Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo_

_Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo_

Harry was about to come to the last verse, and knew he had to finish grandly, and them make his escape hastily, so that Hermione couldn't murder him.

_Put the you-know-what, in the you-know-where_

_Put the you-know-what, in the you-know-where_

_Put the you-know-what, in the you-know-where_

_Pronto!_

Harry finished the last verse, making fireworks go off behind him, the display dazzling most of the crowd, giving Harry the chance to escape, though it wasn't successful, as Hermione managed to catch him before he could get far, and then dragged him to an empty classroom.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

Well, there we are, the first chapter in a new twoshot, I have decided to do. The second chapter will be smut, just to warn you.

*This is a reference to Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor, by Clonesepents, an absolutely brilliant fic, and well worth reading.


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